Finding the Divine Mother
By Vidya

"When I first came to Swamiji in 1984 for spiritual guidance, I never imagined that I would grow to love and revere any form of God, let alone a Hindu concept! But life around Swami Premananda knocks our narrow-mindedness from our heads due to His all-encompassing teachings – my 'love affair' with the Mother Divine started even then.

I was desperately trying to understand the spiritual culture which was Swamiji's tradition. I appreciated very much and understood when he often said that the true essence of spirituality is one great force which we call God, yet man has worshipped that supreme energy in many forms and with the help of numerous philosophies and religions. I myself had loved Lord Jesus Christ and Mother Mary as a child, growing up in a loving and pious Catholic Convent school. I had listened spellbound on my Father's lap as he told me stories of the Buddha and showed me fascinating pictures of that great one's life. In my married life I witnessed my husband's steadfast and unswerving devotion to the words of the sacred Koran, the book of Islam and I even helped him as he daily followed its precepts and carried out his prayers, bowing down repeatedly with humility and love. Now it was my turn to taste a little of the glory of the Divine because of the grace and blessings of my spiritual master.

After 18 months of mental struggle, I chose to follow the spiritual path and in early 1986 I came to Sri Lanka to be with Swamiji who was staying there from February to April. All were excited about Mahashivarathri. For me, everything was strange. A new culture and many different ways of worship. At that time I was fascinated by the daily ritual performed by Mother. She was a young girl at that time. She allowed me to be present at her poojas when she bathed and dressed a statue of the goddess Bhuvaneshwari. She explained to me that this was a special statue belonging to Swamiji and it represented the Great Mother of the Universe, a form of God. Mother taught me the Gayatri Mantra and, every day, I looked forward to sitting and chanting whilst watching the graceful young sannyasini performing this special ritual. She explained that she herself was learning about poojas and that Swamiji had asked her to do this ritual for five consecutive years for her spiritual development.

I was very lucky. Swamiji taught me the intricacies of pooja. Yet, first, there was much to prepare, not only for the pooja itself but also in myself! Swamiji explained to me that by performing poojas and abishekams we gain much grace and divine blessings. "But," he said, "Most people don't like to understand that a pooja can only be perfect if the preparation is done with the utmost attention to the smallest details. First you must wash the temple floor. You are asking the Divine Mother to come into this statue and be present for your rituals. Do you think that the Empress of the Universe should come to a dirty place? No, you must wash the place every time you perform the ritual. After all this cleaning, your body will be dirty. You must bath yourself again from top to toe and wear clean clothes to prepare her pooja. Divine Mother has a tremendous and powerful energy. You must cleanse yourself from inside to outside in order to be ready to be around that great force. Whilst bathing you should repeat the Gayatri Mantra, and remember to ask God to purify you in the great universal light." Then he used to walk around checking and complaining about my pooja preparations whilst Lakshmi Mataji showed me what to do. One day he was complaining to Lakshmi Mataji. He used to scold her for my mistakes as well as her own. He was very upset because I had worn some modern style dress to prepare the pooja. From that day on I only wore a sari! And Swamiji was pleased. He taught us that throughout the preparation and performance of the Abishekam we should pray to her and beg her forgiveness in case we made a mistake.

One day, he threw away a banana during the Abishekam! "This is half black – how can you offer it to Mother!" he scolded. Another time he examined every single flower for offering. He carefully picked out the flowers that were not exactly perfect and gave them back to me. "Only offer perfection to Mother," he said. One day he came for Abishekam and felt the water which was ready in the bucket to wash the Goddess. "Its cold," he said sadly, "how can I wash my Divine Mother in cold water?" I replied that he was a little late and we were waiting for some hours for him to come. "Don't make any excuses when it comes to worshipping the Divine," he said, "Think, think, think carefully. How do you look after your own body. Can you not make at least that effort for God? This is your training to find the Divinity within yourself. Do it to the best of your ability." I observed Lakshmi Mataji's piousness, care and humility whilst caring for the statues. I tried to follow her ways. We used to sit for hours checking the dresses of the deities. She said, "Swamiji said that we ourselves don't like to wear faded clothes or those with holes. In the same way, Divine Mother's dresses should be perfect and they should always be ironed. If they are not perfect, Swamiji will not dress the statue in that dress. He will ask for another one."

On a few occasions I had the great opportunity to assist Swamiji during the Divine Mother Abishekam. He said it was like an examination to see how much had been remembered throughout his teachings. I was so nervous. The first time I got too excited and knocked the camphor from the pancharathi (which has five burning flames). There was a wall of flame across the floor between me and Swamiji! He laughed and I calmed down but I found it difficult to concentrate on the statue because I kept staring at Swamiji opposite me! His whole being was totally absorbed in God and his face glowed with devotion and prema.

For two years, even after we moved to the Ashram in Fathimanagar, it was my duty to wash the brass pooja vessels. There were many of them and at first I found it very difficult to make them shine. If Swamiji had given us a job, he liked us to do it alone without talking, just thinking of the Divine. Sometimes I was very busy in the Pooja Hall in those days and I was scrubbing the vessels even at midnight. One night I was very tired but I wanted the Divine Mother pooja lamps to shine. I polished them with lime and vibuthi and rubbed them with a cloth until they shone like gold. Suddenly I was overwhelmed with a feeling of incredible joy and my whole body and mind was full of a blissful energy. The lamp in my hands seemed to change its shape and I could only see the Divine Mother statue in its place. I laughed and laughed for more than one hour, remembering Swamiji's words, "You think you are just scrubbing brass – but these vessels are full of divine energy because they are Hers. It is a great work to clean them. All the effects of your past deeds (karmas) will leave you when you do this work. Cleaning before and after pooja gives the greatest grace. If you tell others to do that work, you are the loser. That is why the greatest saints did these humble works with joy and gratitude to God that they were even allowed to do them. One of the greatest Tamil saints, Appar, went from temple to temple digging weeds from the path so that the devotees could walk freely to worship. Performing poojas with an egotistical heart for a thousand lives will get you nowhere if you cannot perform even simple services in the temple with a glad heart and loving mind." The very next day after I had this experience and before I had the chance to tell him about it, Swamiji called me and said that I did not have to clean the vessels anymore and he gave the work to someone else.

Right form the mid 1980's Swamiji used to encourage us to go to Amman temples and experience the Mother energy. In the early days we had an old van which seated about 15 people. Every Friday we would go with Swamiji to the Sammayapuram and Vekkali Amman temples. I used to like to watch Swamiji praying at Sammayapuram. He would stand right in front of the great Goddess in the sanctum sanctorum. He would be dressed in red flowing silk with his wild, curly hair flowing loose. After a minute or so he would start talking to Her. Just like you would talk to your own mother, he would have a conversation. I could see him nodding his head and bowing and folding his hands in worship or maybe in agreement with what She was telling him. He always took a plate of offerings for Her and a garland. Swamiji would never miss Friday temple visits. Once, Swami Kamalananda got late to come to the Ashram and did not drive Swamiji to the temple. Swamiji was in a panic because it was getting late. Our Ashram telephone did not work most of the time then and that evening was no exception. So Swamiji went the two kilometers to the village by bicycle and jumped on the bus to go to the temple. Everyone in the town was startled to see him on the bus! But Swamiji was determined to go, despite the crowds of people following him demanding blessings and vibuthi!

At satsang time we used to ask Swamiji about the Divine Mother. He used to stress that we should worship Her and come close to Her ourselves and only then we could understand. I thought a lot about this and I wanted to understand more. I realized from Swamiji that if we were to live our lives constantly striving for perfection and following Her dharma that She would reveal Her hidden treasures to us. Great ones like Swamiji could tell us of their own discovery. They explain that simply She will give whatever Her devotees wish for. Yet she only wants the best for us and ultimately She desires the salvation and freedom of every soul in the world.

I have had many other experiences of Swamiji and the Divine Mother. It makes me think…Divine Mother and Swamiji are really working together, don't you agree? Through what he has shown me I always try to think how best can we please Her. I always think what children should do to please their earthly mothers. In all our actions we would not be careless or negligent or lazy. Mothers hate to see rushed or shoddy work – whether digging the garden or studying homework – all work is equal to Her. As well as respecting others, we should try to take care with all objects and creatures of Mother's creation. Everything belongs to Mother. We are merely Her children and nothing is ours. Like Swamiji says, we should not leave work half-finished or leave a mess behind us for others to tidy up. When our Divine Mother's work is finished she has forgotten nothing, and all is nicely completed and worthy of admiration. Our Mother requires absolute perfection. She Herself will work infinitely to complete Her creation. We may fancy that our Divine Mother has this quality or that quality, appears in such and such a form or has numerous attributes according to the scriptures. Yet, finally, we must realize that the Divine Mother is truly the light of consciousness itself, that She is indeed everything in creation and that, therefore, She is living in each and every one of us, in all objects, plants and animals. This always was so, is now and always will be."